I’ve contemplated writing this blog due to this being a fresh issue in my life. However, with all transparency for my followers and my readers this is a subject many of us have gone through. I’m a very private person. Therefore, when God placed it on my heart to share this story, I seconded guess myself numerous times. While spending time with God, he revealed the story behind the heartbreak is bigger than me. There are plenty of women who have been in my shoes and can relate to the pain experienced. I don’t want to just talk about the heartbreak but more importantly the breakthrough.
Everyone has experienced heartbreak has some point in their life. It could be while dating, engaged and even during marriage. We often view heartbreak as a negative and more times than not it really is. You’re hurting, you feel lost, a sense of frustration, abandonment and possibly rejected. Just know, storms don’t last always and the pain you currently endure will mold you into a fearless woman once fully healed.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.”
Isaiah 43:18 NIV
I ended a relationship with a God-fearing man who I believed to be my husband. Everything appeared to be golden. Easy to talk to, romantic date nights, followed by sweet gestures, to becoming a dependable support system. In short words, the appearance of my dream guy. I mean everything I prayed for! I truly believed he was heaven sent. You couldn’t tell me anything about my other half. In my mind, heart and after long nights of prayer, I believed to have been connected with my dream guy.
Until reality set in….
“Sometimes it’s not reality that sets in, it’s the mask that falls off” – Unknown
The dream guy I once grown to love became unrecognizable. It started with “I Love You” and ended with begin called out of my name on several occasions. The disrespect became unbearable. It started with “You mean the world to me” and ended with “I don’t really know if you’re the one for me. You’re really selfish”. It started with “We are going to get married. I know you’re my wife” and ended with “I don’t talk to this girl. She means nothing to me.” I asked myself, what happened to the man I once knew? What did I miss?
In all honesty, I overlooked a lot of red flags because I felt the great and wonderful characteristics he allowed me to see outweighed the bad that I overlooked. How many times do we as women do this? We overlook issues that present themselves or sweep them under the rug because everything else appears to be great. The appearance of what looked and felt good above the surface only masked the person deep within. Falling in love with the potential of an individual is the absolute worst thing we can do as women, but it happens very often. Too often! I fell in love with a dream and fell face first when reality set it.
Is it possible to become addicted to toxic dysfunction? The truth is YES. As my relationship slowly came to an end, I realized I began to miss this person. Reminiscing about the good times but failing to recall the times where I was belittled, falsely accused of liking other men I didn’t know, and even being accused of sleeping with his best friend. I went from feeling as if I was on Cloud 9 to feeling as if what I offered to the relationship was never enough. Dysfunction became normalized and the pain became frequent. Too FREQUENT!
The fact that I began to focus so much on the past I failed to see the beauty of the future God has for me. I was stuck in what I was accustomed to failing to see the blessing God was offering me. When the relationship ended, I shifted my focus and began to spend more time with God. I studied his word and began to become deeply rooted and fully dependent on God. God was showing me he was with me through it all. The heartbreak, nights of tears, feeling let down, anxiety, insecurities beginning to surface, all of it! Overtime, God revealed I was better single with him, then in a toxic relationship with someone who appeared to be God focused while tearing me down and calling me out of my name.
I took a very hard look in the mirror and asked myself questions that allowed me to begin my healing process. It took me awhile to come to terms with what occurred and to come to a level of forgiveness. The forgiveness wasn’t for him, it was for myself. Spending time and continuing to grow in Christ, God revealed my ex was battling issues that are naked to the physical eye. Due to the lack of his self-awareness, those issues will continue to create more havoc. If I continued to hold onto the lies, mistrust and verbal abuse that occurred within the relationship it would leave me stagnant in a season where God required me to grow.
Walking away from someone I once loved was hard, but I had to look at the relationship with a different lens. The heartbreak I experienced was painful but pushed me closer to God on a much deeper level. It taught me a lot about myself. Most importantly, I learned what love is NOT! I know what it means to truly depend on God. If you read my prior blog, There is POWER in Being BROKE you will see how God provided for me in such a tough month through my finances. In every area of my life God has shown himself faithful. I would not wish the pain of this heartbreak on anyone! It was that painful BUT if going through that level of pain to experience the love of God in my life the way I do now, then I would count it worth it!